Why Do We Choose Partners So Different From Ourselves?

Why do opposites attract?

Agnes Eveline Anton
4 min readAug 5, 2022


Married in a temple, blessed by a monk. ©Agnes Eveline Anton

He’s an engineer, I’m a writer/fitness instructor. I’m very creative, he’s very analytic. He excels in Math and Physics, the two subjects I dislike the most. I like having my feet on the ground, he likes being in the water (I can’t even swim). He likes the great outdoor and cannot stand being at home the whole day. Although I love the great outdoor, I am definitely also a homebody who enjoy staying at home the whole day.

We do have similarities — our love for fitness and traveling, for examples. But our differences outweigh our similarities.

I would sometimes look at my husband and think to myself, “We can’t be more different. How do we even connect?”

“Why do we choose partners so different from ourselves?”,

Jay Pritchett from the famous TV series, Modern Family, read aloud from a book.

Why do we indeed?

“It’s not fate or chance or clichés like ‘the heart wants what the heart wants’”, Pritchett continued.

“We choose our partners because they represent the unfinished business from our childhood. And we choose them because they manifest the qualities we wish we had. In doing so, in choosing such a challenging partner, and working to give them what they need, we chart a course for our own growth.”

That particular episode ended there.

A long pause as I searched my memories, going through nearly 5 years of our relationship.

Do I have unfinished business from my childhood? What could it be? I started to leaf through the pages of my childhood. Could this be the case?

Next question. Am I really dating a manifestation of the qualities I wish I have?


I’ve seen it for the longest time. The resemblance in character. My father and my husband. Two of the four most important men in my life. I suppose this could be my unfinished business.

The bond I always felt not fully formed despite the immense love my father and I have for each other. He had been so busy building a great life for the family as I…



Agnes Eveline Anton

Writer by heart. Teacher (English, Yoga, Pilates) by trade. Avid reader. World traveller. Model. You can reach me at agneslouis3108@gmail.com.